


he came from the stars

by ArtO2



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Emotional, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Original Character(s), Romance, Sad and Happy, Stars, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 19:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30026613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtO2/pseuds/ArtO2
Summary: Eli lives his life plainly. With no obvious reason, until someone appears to literally light up his life.But nothing good lasts forever.(please keep in mind this IS an original work, no characters or story aspects are from any fandom!)
Kudos: 6





	he came from the stars

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is something I've been working on for a while now, so i hope you like it lmao  
> thank you so much to my friends for keeping me going, but to Kymmie and Megan especially. The feedback and editing was really helpful, so thank you both so much <3
> 
> !There is bad language in this, as well as some themes of abuse!
> 
> writing this whole thing was a ride, it's pretty short but i hope it'll suffice  
> i hope you like it!  
> (extra thanks to my friends for promoting this, wtf you guys are awesome ilysm)  
> and if you know me from school, you saw nothing

  
_True love begins when nothing is looked for in return - The little prince_  
  
  
  
  


“ _ Mr. Lancaster!  _ Mr. Lancaster!” A loud voice practically yelled, shattering the small dream I had in my head. I instantly sat up and wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth, flicking my eyes onto the professor in front of me. 

“Sir?” I croaked, acting as though I had been paying attention. 

“Stay after class please, Mr. Lancaster.” He spat, a furious look in his eyes. I didn’t know his name. Remembering names was hard these days. I sighed and nodded, bringing my attention back to the scribbles and drawings on my textbook. Which hadn’t even been opened. 

I’m constantly getting in trouble, and it was slightly unnecessary. Sure, on the rare occurrence I fell asleep or didn’t do assignments, but it’s my future and my degree. Why do they care? The rest of the lecture dragged on, seeming to last hours as the boring words flew from the clearly unenthused professor’s mouth. Afterwards I instantly shot up to leave, but was quickly stopped by the tyrant. 

“Stop right there Mr. Lancaster. I’d like to speak with you.” he said, motioning for me to sit down. As I did. 

“Now, Mr. Lancaster, I’ve noticed you’ve recently hit quite the stump. Is everything alright at home?” He asked, but his expression was clearly uninterested. I nodded. What’s it to him? Like he gives a shit. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Eli. You’re extremely talented. I’ve seen some of your work. It seems overly abstract to some, but it’s truly beautiful. I get it classes can be a drag, but can you please try and pursue your art for me?” He conveyed, staring into my eyes.

“I lost my passion years ago, sir. Please don’t try to change my views.” I mumble in my stupidly quiet voice, exiting the room. 

“I’m not giving up on you just yet Mr. Lancaster!” He called after me, to which I rolled my eyes. Seriously, what an asshole. One minute he was yelling at me, the next trying to convince me to get involved. God, I hate people like that. 

  
  


Snow peppered the school grounds as I exited, my nimble fingers brushing my hair from my face. Sure, once I had a love for painting, but what else? I’m not good at anything else. I’m not trying to be modest, I’m being honest. Besides being exceptionally short and thin, I was average. I am average. Nothing ever appealed to me as a child. Nothing appeals to me now. Our world is quite bleak, if I look at it honestly. They say we each have a god-given talent. But what even is a talent? No hobby can naturally come to people, unless of course you're a genius. Which is rare in our day and age. Sure, I painted when I was a kid, and teenager. And even now, I still paint, hoping to somehow be able to re-spark that love. I still haven’t. I walked the long way to my apartment, through a field of weeds. 

My mother becomes sad everytime I walk through the door. Not because she doesn’t like me, she’s just sad I’m not living the ‘ideal young adult life.’ Which is bullshit. Just because I’m twenty three doesn’t mean I have to be out partying every night. And I hate social interaction. I know, typical introvert. But something was just so unappealing about it. Small talk is boring and unnecessary, and anything else involving speech actually. Pointless. Before I could regain my physical presence a jogging man brushed by my shoulder, to which he apologised. 

“Sorry Miss!” He called. I frowned. I got that a lot. Ok. I have long hair, I’m short, I’m constantly told I have a feminine face, what could be more annoying? I don’t even bother to correct people anymore. I’m sure more than half of the people in my class think I’m a girl. Mom thinks I got my looks from my father, who she still thinks is alive. It’s worrying. Occasionally she’ll text or call him, denying the fact that he died of leukaemia twenty years ago. I don’t know what to do with her. 

I sighed and sat on the grass, some shard blades sticking into my skin and pestering me. I brought out my sketchbook and sat it to the side, looking away from it. I didn’t like it. I was supposed to plan artworks in there, but ideas only ever flowed with paint. Not pencil. I layed back on the grass and shut my eyes, praying that in the morning I would disappear. 

  
  


_ “..li!  _ Eli wake up. It’s not safe here.” A soft voice spoke, rustling me awake. I sat up and opened my eyes, letting them adjust to the dark. But before they could my eyes fell on a beautiful man, who appeared to be luminescent. I fell back and shuffled away from him, clapping my hand over my mouth.

“W-who are you? How do you know my name? Are you a ghost?” I practically shouted. A flicker of intense pain crossed his face as I spoke.

“You...You don’t remember me?” His voice cracked.

“What? How could I? Now answer my questions!” I snapped, moving further away. 

“Eli, please calm down. My name is Val.” He spoke calmly, holding out a hand to show he meant no harm.

“You do not remember, but I used to know you.” Val said, adjusting his circular glasses. 

“What do you mean I don’t remember? I think I would’ve remembered seeing a ghost.” I muttered. He chuckled.

“Well, you knew me when I wasn’t a ghost. When I was human. And in order for me to pass on to the afterlife, I need you to remember me.” He smiled, clasping my hands in his own. I ripped my hands away and shuddered, his face appearing more upset. 

“I’m sorry. I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else.” I hissed, standing up with my belongings. His face turned sadder.

“Please try to remember Eli.” He whispered, before winking from sight. I freaked out.

“Hello? Val? Hey! I’m not done talking to you!” I yelled into nothingness. I grunted and frowned, tying up my hair angrily and stomping home. 

“I’m home.” I mumbled, removing my shoes and squinting as the hallway light turned on. 

“Oh Eli!” Mom cried, rushing to me.

“Hey, calm down Mom.” I muttered, stroking her back. 

“I was so worried!” She sobbed. I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, sorry I was out so long. I was ‘living the dream’ and all that.” I sighed, to which she chuckled.

“Who are you? And what have you done with my Eli?” She giggled. I sighed and put her back to bed, entering my room and dumping my stuff on the floor. This was my University apartment, where my Mom lived. I feel as though she’d go insane living alone. So I’d invited her to come live with me, which she had happily accepted. And that’s how I’d ended up living with Kira Grange.

I was still pretty dazed from my experience in the park from earlier, nearly knocking everything over as I set up my paint. I shook my head and frowned, plugging my headphones in and blasting music. My attempt to ignore my intruding thoughts, of course. I started with a base, a neutral tan colour. I continued until around 4 am, when my eyelids started to droop and the sky started to lighten. But before I could turn off my light, a small shimmer was visible from outside my window. I got up and ripped away the curtains, marvelling at the sight before me.

There was the same man from earlier, appearing to be walking above the stars. He easily hopped and moved from them, floating. My eyes widened the more I watched. I don’t do drugs, but my God I felt I was tripping on something. I slid open my window to feel the cool breeze on my skin, wishing for the man to disappear. But he didn’t. I left the window and sprinted to my Mom’s room, waking her up and bringing her to the window. 

“Mom, you can see him right?” I pushed, praying I wasn’t going crazy. For some obscure reason her eyes turned sad. 

“Honey, would you like to go back to your therapist? I know losing --- was hard, do you need someone to talk to?” Strange. The words she had said seemed to blur.

“Losing who?” I asked, genuinely perplexed. 

“---” She said, with furrowed brows. What? Who was she talking about? And why couldn’t I hear? I sighed and rubbed my temples. 

“Nevermind mom. It must’ve been a trick of the light. He’s gone now, ok? You can go back to bed.” She nodded warily, but stared at me strangely as she left. I sighed again and turned to close my window, but Val was sitting on the window sill. 

“She can’t see me.”

I cried out. I hadn’t expected to see him there. Once I had recollected my thoughts, I spoke, 

“What do you mean? You’re a ghost right? Why can’t she see you?” He sighed.

“Classic Eli. Asking too many questions.” Val shook his head with a faint smile.

“Only you can see me Eli. Yes I am a ghost. She can’t see me as I am here only for you.” Val spoke, only confusing me further. 

“Again, I don’t know you. Why me?” I furrowed my eyebrows. Val’s eyes softened and he appeared even sadder.

“Eli, please believe me. You used to know me. Why else would I be here?”

“Ok. Maybe I’ll believe you. But prove it to me.” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. Val nodded, holding my hands and pulling my out the window with him. I began to yell, but he silenced me. 

“Look, we’re flying.” He smiled, pulling me up, and into the sky.

“You grew out your hair because your Mom didn’t like it long, and I said I did.” Val smiled, running his fingers through my hair. Creepy. 

“You sleep with a pillow in your arms, and you  _ hate _ white chocolate.” He spoke again, pulling me through the sky. Incredible. These were such small and fickle details, that I don’t remember telling anyone. But somehow he knew. 

“And you are terrified of cows. You never did tell me why.” He chuckled.

“Incredible.” I murmured, deep in thought.

“See? I know all about you Eli. We were lovers, afterall.” He smiled, closing his eyes and placing his face in my hair. I froze.

“Woah there. Lovers? Are you kidding? And don’t get that close to me, please.” I cringed, pushing him away, but of course remaining in his arms. He frowned. 

“Seriously? Even after all this? You still don’t remember? But they said stuff like this would trigger it!” Val grumbled, clearly thinking deeply. He sighed and pushed his glasses up his nose, smiling sadly at me.

“I’ll continue coming Eli. Forever if I must.” He spoke, pressing a final kiss to my forehead and closing my eyes. I attempted to move, but nothing. I was surrounded by complete darkness. Eventually I gave into it, falling into what felt like an eternal sleep. 

My awakening was sudden. I sat up with a slight noise, relief washing over me. It had been a dream. This crazy Val character, had all been a figment of my imagination. I was nearly happy as I rose from my bed, preparing my equipment. I only had to go on a self orientated excursion today, to an art gallery. Which I was actually excited about, for a change. At around one pm I finally packed all of my things, which included my wallet, phone, sketchbook, laptop, notebook and water. That should be everything. After saying goodbye to my Mom I went on my way, boarding the practically empty train carriage. Days like these seemed to move fast, perhaps it was because I spent them doing the things I loved. Well, what I used to love. That passion seemed to mysteriously disappear around the time I turned eighteen, inexplicably. Even I didn’t know why. I noticed the whole trip a particularly unattractive man staring at me, and becoming flustered when I caught him. Fuck. Do I really have to deal with this shit now? I rolled my eyes and continued looking out the window, intentionally avoiding eye contact. I had to deal with this kind of thing before. I guess to some men I was attractive, as they were fooled into thinking I was female. But as soon as I told them the truth, they left me alone. I got off the train at central, inconveniently the man following behind me.

“Hey! You miss! With the blonde hair?” He called after me, grabbing my shoulder. Instantly I reacted. I slapped his hand away.

“Don't touch me, please. And before you get too excited, I have a dick.” His face dropped as soon as he heard my very un-feminine voice, thank god. I had been gifted with a not high pitched voice, clearly sounding male.

“Well, I’m very sorry sir. Uh, have a nice day.” He walked away with an extremely embarrassed face. I simply laughed. Sure, situations like that were awkward, but I’ve grown used to it over time. Once I arrived at the gallery I sat in front of a basic painting, which no one else was interested in. But something about it, was gorgeous. The dull colours seemed accentuated despite how gray they were, my hands moving quickly as I scribbled notes. For our assignment we had to pick three works that we liked, and write a presentation on them all. As I finished up on the second one, someone was sitting beside me. Oh, hell no. No way. This can’t be happening. I slightly tilted my head and who was sitting beside me, none other than Val. 

“Hey Eli!” Val grinned. I practically screamed. All attention and eyes were on me as I did so, I apologised under my breath and left the gallery in a rush.  _ He’s not here, he’s not here, he’s not here. _ I chanted the same thing to myself over and over, willing myself to believe it. But he wouldn’t go away. He was unusually quiet, simply just flying behind me on my way home. 

“I’ll come back later Eli.” He spoke simply after I returned home, disappearing from sight.

“Don’t talk to me!” I snapped, slamming my door. My Mom was out thank god, so I wouldn’t have to answer any questions. I entered and the painting I had done in what was supposedly a dream last night, was lying on the floor. I cried out and stared at it, the painting a clear reflection of Val’s face. And I hated painting portraits. More than anything else. I have a faint memory of painting them when I was younger, but I lost that same passion at eighteen.

I mercilessly ripped up the canvas, hoping Val would see. I don’t want him to be real. I don’t want to be crazy. It wasn’t that I had something against the man himself, I just can’t deal with this kind of thing. Not now, not ever. Tears streaked my face as I went to bed extremely early, around 5 pm. But before I could completely fall asleep, there was a tapping sound on my window. I wrapped a pillow around my head.

“No! Go away!” I screamed. A light chuckle came from outside, the sound and person entering my room, because apparently he can come through walls.

“Leave. Me. Alone!” I cried, throwing objects around my room at him, but they all went straight through him. 

“Eli, please. Before you continue your meltdown, let me explain things to you.” He winced as he spoke, watching the various things crash to the floor. 

“You have nothing to explain! I’m crazy goddamnit! Crazy because of  _ your  _ existence!” Cold hands clamped down hard on my wrists before I could throw the pillow I was holding, Val towering over me. Only now did I realise how tall he was, around 5”9 to my 5”0. And I was barely 5 feet. 

“Please, just give me time to explain.” Val spoke, with a serious look in his usually playful eyes. I gulped and put down the pillow, backing away from him and folding my arms over my chest.

“Explain.” I refrained from hissing, trying to keep the calm aura. Val sighed and sat cross legged on the edge of my bed, adjusting his glasses over his freckled nose. 

“When I was 16 and you were 15, we attended the same school. We never spoke to each other, only ever second glances. One day you were running down a hallway with a wet canvas, on your way to expedition. You tripped right in front of me, and upon reflex I caught you. Hues of blue, red and purple spread across my entire shirt, but I didn’t mind. You on the other hand were an apologetic mess.” Val was chuckling at this memory, although I was not amused.

“And how is this going to help me?” I questioned, skeptical. 

“Just shhh. Let me explain.” Val spoke stubbornly.

“After that you offered to pay for my clothes, but I denied you that and said you could take me out for dinner in exchange. And after a few weeks I asked you out. Surprisingly enough you accepted, and we were together for a good four years before the accident.” He sighed, the thought clearly bringing on a bad memory. 

“Accident?” I raised a brow.

“It was how I lost you, Eli. We were on our way out of town, when a neighbouring vehicle went out of control, and side swept us off of the road. As the driver I was instantly killed…” His words faded out as my head began to pound, and flowing images and colours filled my head. Only now did I realise, these were memories. Memories that Val said I had forgotten. 

“Shh! Val shut up! I-I can see it!” I murmured. Val’s eyes lit up then quickly diminished once he caught sight of me. I staggered and pressed my palm to the side of my head, Val reflexively steadying me. 

“Eli? Are you alright?” I swiped his arm away and thought harder, a very blurry thought coming to mind. I could see a steering wheel, and a hand clasped in mine. Soft music was coming from the stereo, and the person holding my hand hummed along. Before I could think any further the thoughts snapped back, and all I was left with was that helpless memory. 

“Eli! Eli! What did you see?” Val nearly shouted, rudely awakening me. 

“I-It was us! W-we were in a car, and ‘Like you do’ was playing!” I cried. Val’s eyes sparkled.

“Incredible.” Val spoke under his breath, grinning at me.

“That was playing when we were driving to Uni on your first day.” Val smiled, tears shining in his eyes. Blood rose to my cheeks. So he hadn’t been lying. The entire time, I was being the rash and rude one. 

“I- I’m sorry for not believing you Val.” I muttered, scratching behind my neck. Val smiled brighter.

“You don’t need to apologise Eli. I now know that I have a way of getting you back.”

  
  


.

  
  


I sat towards the back of the lecture hall, tapping my pen against the desk. For the past few weeks Val had been doing strange things to trigger memories, but nothing seemed to be working. We still had time, he said. But I was worried. What if he couldn’t go to heaven because of me? Before I could continue overthinking everything, a bright light sat in the corner of the room, Val. He waved at me with a grin, my eyes rolling automatically. He was trying his best to get closer to me, and retrieve that past relationship we had. But clearly, he wasn’t successful. I don’t know how my past self could’ve ever tolerated him. 

“Eeeeliiiiiii, Eeeeeliiii! Is class fun?” He chuckled madly to himself, to which I scowled and shook my head. I was in a room full of people, and he just had to be there. He continued to annoy me, until I finally exploded.

“Leave me alone God Dammit!” I shouted, all eyes falling on me. My face burned.

“Uh, sorry.” I stared down in shame, the teacher luckily enough ignoring me and continuing. Great, now everyone probably thinks I’m crazy. Val was howling in the corner, coughing his lungs up with laughter. My eyes were a raging fire as I glared at him, standing up quickly and leaving as soon as the lecture finished. I stalked along the busy streets with a heavy cloud over my head, a cloud of anger. 

Val was laughing his ass off, hovering behind me.    
“Shut the fuck up.” I snapped, but quiet enough so only he could hear.

“Awww, don’t be so meannnn. It was funny!” Val pouted, that pout forming into a grin as soon as he caught sight of my face. 

“Are you ever going to leave me alone?” I grumbled.

“Nope!” Val grinned, tugging on the end of my ponytail. I swiped his hand away, and he laughed.

“Actually! I have a proposal!” Val perked up.

I continued walking.

“And your proposal is?”

Val moved to float in front of me. 

“If you go on a date with me I’ll leave you alone for a wholeee week!” He grinned, exaggerating the ‘whole week’ part. I scoffed.

“In your dreams.” I walked past Val. His eyes flashed a small portion of hurt, but his cheery smile quickly returned.

“Then I guess I’ll keep you company in your classes~” He smiled widely like a child, 

I thought for a moment, groaning slightly to myself.  _ It’s just one day - no harm done right? Then he’ll leave me alone for a week.  _ I sighed

“Fine.” Val throwed his arms up in triumph. 

“Yay! You're not gonna regret this!” Val jumped up and down, overly excited. Seriously, why would he like me of all people? I rolled my eyes and winced, his energy intense. So for the next week, Val spent his time raving to me about how great the date was going to be, whereas I was not as excited. Not excited at all. The night before Val lay on my bed, idly humming to himself while I sat at my desk studying. I noticed him move to look over my shoulder, and I felt his cool breath against my ear. I struggled to remain focused as I continued, his finger pointing out a mistake.

“It’s Monet, not Van Gogh.” He spoke, exactly correct.

“R-right.” I mumbled, correcting the question. Val chuckled and quickly kissed the side of my head, before I could move out of the way. 

“Val! What are you doing?” I snapped. He backed away with a pained expression. 

“I- I’m sorry Eli. I don’t know what came over me. Old habits really die hard huh.” His voice cracked as he spoke, his happy personality taken over by sadness. My brows furrowed. 

“You don’t need to apologise Val. Just, please ask next time.” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. Val nodded absentmindedly, lying back down onto my bed and staring at the roof, clearly deep in thought. I sighed and returned to my work, awaking the next morning to find him gone. I frowned. Every morning he would usually have been sitting at my desk grinning, but I guess today he was giving me time to prepare. Prepare for our ‘date.’ I dreaded the night the entire day, dressing with no idea as to where we were going. I donned a simple poet’s shirt and high waisted black jeans, tying my hair loosely.

I followed Val’s earlier directions to go on the subway to central, and to the inner city from there. Before I could reach the centre, large and loud crowds were wandering around. A Festival ahead. I gulped. Great. I don’t mind festivals, but I can’t do big crowds. 

“Hey! Eli!” A voice called from behind me, Val grinning wide. His eyes widened as he caught sight of me, a light blush dotting his face. 

“So, a festival?” I winced. Val laughed. 

“Of course not! I know you hate crowds of course, so we’re going to the festival right before it ends. Don’t worry, barely anyone will be there.” He smiled, grabbing my hand and tugging me away from the festival, and to a museum. An observatory, to be exact. Val smiled bashfully as he skipped towards the entrance, having to get me to open the door. Of course, I almost forgot. He can’t touch anything. Anything but me. There was a seven o’clock viewing session, so we were right on time. I sat with Val next to me, going a bit rigid as he held my hand. Sensing this, he let go. But I felt bad. So I sighed and grabbed his hand, a grin sparking from him. A woman stood at the front of the room introducing everyone, shooting me a strange look when she saw me holding the shape of a hand, but nothing was there. She looked away after a moment, but of course I caught her. People were so oblivious these days. As she went on she asked questions along the way, which Val whispered the answers into my ear. 

“And what star cluster is this?” She smugly asked, Val whispered into my ear, so I answered.

“The Hyades cluster.” She appeared baffled.

“Uh, yes that’s right.” For the rest of the show at random intervals she’d shoot me strange looks, acting as though I knew her. Which I didn’t. I don’t know how Val knew so much about space, I guess he took a liking towards it. I kicked myself. I needed to stop thinking about him so much. I barely know him. Well, that’s a lie. I now know him quite well, but nevertheless, getting close to people is that way to gain weaknesses. After the show and right before I left, the woman approached me.

“H-hey! S-sir? Sorry I was eyeing you so much, I knew I’d seen you somewhere.” She spoke, out of breath from running after me.

“We’ve met?” I cocked my head to the side. She blushed and smiled.

“Well, I haven’t ever physically seen you, but I’ve seen some of your artwork. And I love it. Eli Lancaster, right? I have a few of your pieces.” That’s when a light flickered in my mind. 

“Oh! You’re Anne correct? You were that sweet girl that bought ‘Lucifer’ and ‘Hades’?” I smiled. She nodded eagerly.

“Your work is so underappreciated. Please keep painting Mr. Lancaster!” She yelled from down the hall, waving. I waved back with a small smile. Val elbowed me.

“Told ya.”

“Told me what smartass?” I snapped, a smile still on my face. 

“You can do anything you want.” His eyes sparkled as he said this, his grin contagious. We made our way to the festival by foot, Val swinging our arms between us as we went. And he had been right. Barely anyone was visible from where we stood, the festival practically cleared out. Val tugged me harder towards a childrens’ ride, excitement sparkling in his eyes. I rolled mine and stood next to him, shaking my head. 

“Aww come on Eli! Don’t spoil my fun!” He pouted.

“I don’t know if you haven’t noticed Val, but I’m an adult. And this is a childrens’ ride.” I groaned.

“Please? Come _ on  _ Eli!” Val whined, tugging me into the line. I sighed and stood with my head in my hands as I waited to go on the small carousel, the other people lining up all clearly under ten. On the other hand, Val was pumped. He jumped up and down as we got closer, and I was glad no one could see him. When we went on the ride, it was surprisingly fast paced, my knuckles going white around the handle bars. Whereas Val had his hands in the air. And God was he beautiful. The perfect image of carefree, that face so lovable. I snapped my eyes away from him.  _ Really Eli? _ I sighed and Val turned to me, grinning as widely as ever. 

“Isn’t this fun?” Val cried, grabbing my hand and squeezing tight. I smiled slightly and shook my head, allowing him to grip onto my hand. After the carousel Val was instantly off, and towards a stall where you shot targets with water guns He pointed excitedly at it, so I sighed and stalked next to him, where I paid for three shots. I am a Uni student. I can barely afford rent. Let alone recreational activities like this. Nevertheless I paid, lining up the gun. My hands shook as I tried to do so, everything off centre. So Val stood behind me, holding his hands around my own and breathing into my ear. My face exploded.

“Like this.” He murmured, gripping his big soft hands around mine and perfectly hitting the target three times, laughing as he went. I was a mess. Getting that physically close to someone was something I had never remembered ever doing, so it was quite the experience. After quite a few more boring events Val became tired out, so we sat on a field adjacent to the festival.

“Did you have fun?” Val murmured absentmindedly, struggling to stay awake. I nodded and smiled softly, tucking my hair behind my ear. Val sat up behind me.

“Do you mind?” he asked softly, touching my hair slightly. I shook my head and he continued, weaving it softly into a braid. A sharp pain shot in my head. I cried out. 

“Eli? Are you alright? Hey!” Val’s calls seemed to sound far away, as a blurry memory started forming. Soft careful hands brushed gently through my hair in front of a mirror, Val’s smiling face staring at mine as he did so. Once he finished Val leaned down to press a soft kiss on my lips, murmuring three words I couldn’t ever imagine hearing him say. And I said it back. My mind snapped like a rubber band back to reality, Val kneeling in front of me.

“Eli! Oh my god are you ok?” Val rushed, lifting me by the back of my head. Only then did I realise I had been lying down, Val perched beside me. 

“Uh, yeah I’m alright.” I murmured, attempting to sit up but falling slightly. Val instantly caught me, his warm hands pressed to my back. My face exploded despite feeling so lightheaded. 

“Eli? Do you feel alright? Your face is all red.” He murmured, pressing the back of his hand to my cheek. 

“Y-yeah I’m ok. I’ll just rest for a bit.” I mumbled, laying my head back on the grass, but Val shifted. He shifted so my head was in his lap, his hands returning to my hair. I couldn’t have imagined how strange it looked to pedestrians. My head resting atop a floating platform. But at that moment, I couldn’t have cared less. I could barely breathe. Val’s body under mine. Someone this beautiful and caring, letting me rest my head on them.

I stopped myself. When did I start thinking stupid, sappy things like that? And why? It’s almost like, I...I’m in love. The thought hit me at full force.  _ Love.  _ And not familial love, but romantic love. I felt my stomach flutter. Surely not. Surely I was just overthinking things. But no matter how much I thought it over, it seemed real. And I was insecure once I came to terms with it.  _ He probably doesn’t even like me back. What if he’s just forcing himself due to our past? And what’s there to like about me?  _ I frowned, and Val held his head over mine. 

“Whatcha thinking about?” He smiled, my face reddening further. 

“It’s nothing.” I mumbled, facing away from him. He frowned and softly placed his hand on my cheek, tilting my vision towards him.

“Hey. I can see the gears turning in your head Eli, what are you thinking about?” His tone turned serious now, despite what a usually soft person he was. 

“I- I can’t think straight around you.” I groaned, covering my burning face with my hands. He laughed, a light and musical sounding thing.

“You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed.” My face impossibly, reddened further. 

“D-don’t say that Val! It- it’s confusing.” I mumbled.

“Confusing how? You know how I feel, shouldn’t it be obvious at this point?” He laughed lightly, although I could sense a slight tinge of pain in his tone. 

“Confusing how.. You keep leading me on! And I don’t know how to tell you anything. I- I’ve never been good at expressing things, and now that I’m in a situation like this, I have no clue what to say!” I cried, hiding behind my hands. Through my fingers I could see Val’s face soften, and a sweet look in his eyes, a look of pure joy, and something else. 

“Eli, I think I get it now.” Val smiled, peeling my hands from my face. Before I could think he pressed his lips to mine, softly holding his hand to my cheek. At first I instantly thought of pulling away, but I closed my eyes, allowing him to continue. And you know what, I didn’t mind it. 

After Val pulled away he looked at me for confirmation, and I simply smiled, pulling him back down to me. He made a slight noise of surprise but instantly responded with just as much eagerness, his glasses falling off his face and onto the bridge of my nose. I laughed against his mouth as this happened, his face breaking into his usual smile. I unwound my arms from his neck, sitting up to look him in the eyes. He stared back, squinting.

“Eli, right now I would be admiring your face, but I can’t really see.” He smiled, motioning to his glasses. I smiled back, grabbing them and placing them onto his face. He blinked a few times before returning his eyes back to mine, smiling soundly once he could see me fully.

“You are so beautiful.” He murmured, tucking my now loose hair behind my hair. I smiled and rolled my eyes. Val quirked his head in response. 

“But you are Eli. The amount of people that take a liking to you should make it obvious.” Val smiled. I looked away with a slight blush, Val grabbing my hand and rising, dragging me along the sidewalk. We walked in silence, our arms swinging between us. My blonde hair hung loose and moved with the wind, the same with Val’s unruly curls. Only then did I notice his piercings. And he had quite a lot. A double helix and single lobe on the left, and a double lobe on the right. And they really flattered him. Without a doubt. But he caught me staring. His eyes softened for the hundredth time that night, a smile coming to his face.

“I got these with you. You were going to get a helix, but chickened out after seeing mine done.” He smiled, pulling back his hair to show me. I frowned.

“Chickened out? Likely story.” I muttered, my face turned away from him. Val laughed.

“Oh yeah? How about we get you a helix tomorrow?” He said jokingly. But this just pissed me off further.

“Fine.” I hissed, turning my nose up at him. His eyebrows lifted.

“Really? Uh, ok.” He chuckled. I gulped. I didn’t like needles. I never have. He ruffled my hair, snapping me away from my thoughts.

“Hey! What was that for?” I groaned, rushing to fix it. He chuckled and jogged away, sticking his tongue out at me. A child. He’s older than me, but I’m convinced he’s a child. I growled and ran after him, his pace quickening. But I couldn’t catch him.

“I- I’m an, art major. I, don’t r-run!” I panted, bracing myself on my knees.

“Oooh poor little Eli.” Val spoke with a fake pout, prompting me to swipe the top of his head. Once we arrived home at around eleven, my Mother greeted me at the front door. She only really needed assurance that I was home, and simply went back to her bed. Val was strangely quiet once I got into my bed, perched on the edge of it awkwardly. There was a strange look in his eyes, almost fearful. 

“What’s up?” I mumbled into the dark. He shifted.

“I-I feel kind of creepy. Creepy in the way Edward watched Bella sleep y’know?” He cringed. I chuckled quietly. Instead of saying anything I simply opened my arms, allowing Val to lie next to me. He was rigid as he wrapped his arms around my torso, sighing into my neck. I moved down so my face was pressed into his chest, my arms around his middle. I breathed in his chest, inhaling his faint scent. He smelt slightly of wild flowers, but more a mellow woodland. It was intoxicating. He became more comfortable, resting his head on mine.

“Do you sleep?” I asked out of the blue, genuinely curious. Val chuckled.

“Of course I do. The stars gave me the ability to come here so I could pass on, and of course some of my human tendencies remained.” He laughed.

“Stars?” I questioned, skeptical. I felt him nod.

“After I lost my human life, I was to be sent to the next life. But something tugged me back. An unfinished deed. And of course that was you. The stars showed me compassion, allowing me to come back and finish what I started.” He kissed the top of my head. I nodded, but some small part of me ached. He wasn’t going to be here forever. Soon enough I was going to remember him, and he’d leave. No, I’m not going to remember him. I barely know anything now. So I won’t ever. He’ll be here forever. Well, that’s what I tell myself.

-

  
  


School today was tough. It was hard enough on its own, but now I had to do a group project. Hell. And stupidly, I had offered the two of them to come to my place. Sure, Ki and Megan were nice, but I’ve never liked group projects. I walked silently in front of them as they spoke quietly to each other, likely about anime. Which I knew nothing about. The project was for us to recreate a children’s novel through art, which we had been assigned. We had ‘The little Prince.’ Thankfully we wouldn’t have to meet often, today we were just to discuss what each of us was illustrating. I let them both inside and sat them both on my bed, myself on the floor. Before we could begin I noticed Val outside my window, waving at me. I got up and shut my blinds, giving him one last warning look. 

“I’m willing to do a collage.” Ki blurted, rubbing behind his neck. I nodded and turned to Megan, who was already sketching.

“Uh, so the book is about a kid right? But he represents a childs’ innocence, correct?” Megan spoke absentmindedly, staring down at her sketch. I nodded again.

“I can paint the galaxy it’s set in, along with the rose?” I mumbled, hiding behind my hair. 

“I can make a collage portraying the child and his mind.” Ki nodded.

“And I’ll draw and watercolour the fox that follows him around.” Megan spoke, writing down what we said. 

“We’ll each have to include a description and quote, but I’ll leave that up to you guys.” Ki conveyed finally, getting up to leave. Megan followed him out the door, giving me a warm smile and wave. WIthout looking I flopped onto my bed right on top of Val, crushing him accidentally. He let out a noise of surprise. 

“Hey.” He chuckled, rubbing my back awkwardly.

“Brain cannot function.” I sighed, folding my arms around his neck. He laughed again and held me also, kissing my forehead. We laid there for a while, before Val sprung up. 

“Didn’t you want to get a piercing today?” He grinned lopsidedly. I groaned and rolled over, not willing to face my past decisions. In truth, no, I did not. But he was so excited. The light in his eyes shone brighter than usual, so I couldn’t resist. I groaned again and allowed him to pull me up, his fingers gently pulling my hair away from my face.

“You’re so gorgeous, Eli. Why do you hide your face?” He murmured. My face burned as he said this.

“I-I, I have no need to attract anyone.” I spoke, tying up my hair and moving away from him and towards my closet. I pulled out a green cardigan, throwing it over my shoulders and grabbing my bag, holding open the door for Val. He gave me a strange look and walked past, grabbing my hand as he went. I trudged down the street alongside him, dreading my upcoming fate. My foot paced up and down in the waiting room, a tall woman bringing me into a sideroom. She smiled at me fakely as she held up the metal contraption to the top of my ear, my heart rate instantly picking up. I can’t do this. I feel like I’m going to throw up. My palms became sweaty as she counted down, my foot anxiously tapping the ground at a fast pace. Waves of nausea and panic enveloped me, my vision blurring. But before I could truly lose it, a soft hand grabbed mine. I turned my head and stared at Val and his warm eyes. Those eyes I love. I knew, as long as I lived, I’d never get over his eyes. A honey brown colour, and so incredibly bright. Like stars.

“And we’re done.” The woman smiled, holding up a mirror. I blinked in surprise.

“T-that’s it?” I stammered. She grinned and nodded, showing me the black ring now inserted in the cartilage of my ear. My eyes widened at the sight of it, genuine shock washing over me. I left the building dazed, my fingers tracing the foreign object in my ear. 

“Well done Eli.” Val chuckled, his arm over my shoulder. I smiled and shook my head at him, dragging my feet. Once we arrived back home Val claimed to be tired, napping on my bed. While he did so I got out my supplies soundlessly, and began sketching. But when I looked at Val sleeping, the familiar pain in my head spiked. I held my hand to my head and crouched down, while soft colours filled my mind. The images came fast, but they were of something I wished I hadn’t seen. Val and myself, together. Doing things I never remember doing, and never plan on doing. I gasped and willingly pushed myself away from that memory, praying for it to go away. Once I came back to reality, Val was crouched at my side, clutching my shoulder. I flinched away from his touch.   
“What was it Eli? What did you remember?” He spoke urgently, desperate to know. I scowled.

“It was nothing Val.” I snapped. He frowned.

“You clearly remembered something, why won’t you tell me?” He asked, genuinely perplexed. I pulled my arm away from him and spoke,

“I  _ said  _ it’s nothing. Why do you care anyway?” I muttered, Val’s face a mixture of anger and hurt. 

“Of course I care Eli. All I want is you to come back.”

“You don’t understand Val! That Eli is gone! I’m me now, and I’m never going to remember you.” I was angry now. But Val’s face was so incredibly hurt, I considered apologizing for everything and hugging him. But I stood my ground.

“It’s you that doesn’t understand Eli. I’ve been hiding it the entire time, but I’m hurting. So much. The only person I loved and would die for was ripped away from me instantly, and they had no recollection of me. How could you understand how that feels?” He whispered, his eyes bloodshot and tears forming. 

“Val, I-...” But that was all I could get out. I didn’t know what to say. Val’s face was a pure expression of pain, hurt flashing in his eyes at full force. He brushed my hair behind my ear and walked away, opening the window.

“Wait!” I cried, rushing to the window, but he was gone. I fell to the ground, pushing my fist against the wall.  _ Nice one, Eli. Now you’ve done it.  _ Silent tears fell from my eyes and I frowned, not really understanding why I was crying. Nevertheless the tears kept on coming, my mind replaying Val’s words. “ _ I’m hurting”. “The only person I loved”. “Ripped away from me instantly.” _

He was right, I don’t understand.

-

“Eli!” My mother called from down the hall, startling me from my thoughts. It had been three days since our fight, and I hadn’t seen him since. I sighed and smoothed my disheveled hair with my hands. Trudging through the hall I met my Mother at the door, who smiled and held a suitcase in her hands. I knitted my brows together.

“Guess where we’re going!” She jumped up excitedly, holding out a second bag presumably for me. My mood lifted. The annual pre-christmas trip to her sisters’, Aunt Claudia. She was a warm woman, but it’s her children that get me riled up. Sort of excited. She had four children. The youngest, Ash. He was only four, and pretty quiet. The third, Aaron. He was very vibrant, and quite the troublemaker at the young age of six. The second, Kimmy. She was my favourite, as I saw some of myself in her. Her fighting spirit although is something I do not possess. She is eight. And the oldest, Jean. She is fourteen, and a musical prodigy. Jean was quiet, but she enjoyed watching me paint. I knew I’d have to push Val from my mind for the next view days, for the benefit of my cousins. They looked up to me. So I did. I ignored any thought of him. 

My family lived further out into the countryside, where Claudia and my mother both grew up together. Claudia is an only parent, so I could imagine the struggle of guiding four children alone. But she did it. And well, might I add. I grew more excited as my Mother skipped towards their front door, knocking enthusiastically. 

“Kimmy! Don’t kick your brother!” I could hear Claudia yelling from inside as she approached the door. Their house was old and somewhat run down, a small one story for four children and one adult. 

“But Mom! Aaron was trying to look at my sketchbook!” Kimmy cried, her voice bringing a smile to my face. Claudia opened the door and her face instantly lit up.

“Kira!” Claudia cried, pulling Mom into her arms. But her attention waned, turning to me.

“Oh my goodness, Eli! You’re an adult!” Claudia sobbed, hugging me impossibly tight.

“Hey Aunty Clau.” I smiled, hugging her back. Claudia continued to fuss over me and her sister, until Ash came waddling on his chubby legs. 

“Momma! I’m hungry!” Ash squealed, hugging his arms around his mothers’ legs. Claudia sighed and picked him up, motioning us to come in with her. Once I entered I dropped my mother and my own luggage on the guest room’s bed, not ready for the oncoming brown haired child. I stumbled and nearly tripped when Kimmy latched onto my ankles, screaming.

“Eli Eli!” She giggled, jumping up and down. My face broke into a grin.

“Hey kid.” I smiled, picking her up. Instantly she laughed and latched her fingers into my hair, pulling it softly. She always did these, she had a strange fascination with my hair. 

“Kids! Dinner!” Claudia bellowed from the kitchen, the sound echoing throughout the whole house. Kimmy wrapped her arms tightly around my chest as I followed the light into the kitchen, the place a ball of excitement. It was a damp and dull day, but the atmosphere inside the household was magical. The feel of it was something I hadn’t felt in a while, and God was it good. Good to feel loved, happy. Kimmy sat adjacent to myself, with my mother on my right. Aaron and Jean had already greeted me, them both smiling warmly.

“So, how’s school going Eli?” Claudia smiled, spooning food into Ash’s mouth. I nodded.

“It’s going alright, can’t wait to be done with it though.” Claudia laughed. 

“I remember thinking the same.” She smiled at me, her face warm. I love Claudia’s eyes. They were brown, as my mother’s are. A rich, chocolate brown. Nothing in comparison to Val’s though. His were honey coloured, so warm, so inviting-  _ stop it Eli. You can’t think about him. Not now.  _ I willed myself back into the present, listening to Jean.

“I want to study the arts too, with a major in music.” Jean grinned. I smiled back.

“That’s great Jean. You’ll love university.” I said this, but it was mostly a farce. I hate university. But I know these kids will do better than me, so it’d be good for me to enthuse them about education. Jean’s grin widened, Aaron chatting away.

“Jeanie’s joining a band soon, she’s gonna be a bassist!” Aaron grinned, Jean swatting him over the back of the head. Aaron cried out.

“Whadja do that for?” 

“It’s not certain yet Aaron, don’t get my hopes up.” Jean sighed, pushing her food around her plate. Aaron continued to sulk for the remainder of dinner, holding his face over his food and avoiding his Mother’s pokes and prods. After we ate Kimmy dragged me to her room, the one she shared with Jean. It was split right down the middle, the contrast making me laugh. One half of it was painted a dark grey, and had multiple instruments strung to the wall and on the ground. From violin to bass, Jean had so much. And she purchased them all herself. The other half was entirely different. 

There was an obnoxiously large canopy bed placed in the centre of Kimmy’s half, with multiple artworks and mixed martial arts belts hanging from the wall. As I had acknowledged earlier, Kimmy quite literally has a fighting spirit. Before she could sit me on her bed, Aaron sprinted in and out of the room, grabbing something in his wake. Kimmy’s face shifted to anger, and she quickly stalked out of the room after him. I followed her into the main room, where she had Aaron in a choke hold. 

“Wha- Oi! Kimmy stop that!” I cried, getting a hold of her arm.

“He stole my number one pencil! He shall now pay the consequences!” She screamed, tightening her grip. Aaron’s face turned a brighter shade of red as his breathing was cut off, my arms tugging more at Kimmy. I regret not ever playing sport, or going to the gym. Because at this point, an eight year old was overpowering me. I gave one last tug and Kimmy came off, Aaron rolling across the floor and gasping. I restrained Kimmy and held my arms tightly around her thrashing body, teeth and knees and fists moving rapidly. 

“Aaron, please give it back.” I winced, narrowly avoiding an oncoming foot. Aaron rolled his eyes and threw the pencil at Kimmy, her hands quickly snatching it up. But her attention was instantly elsewhere, focusing on me.

“Oh no Eli! I messed up your hair!” She cried, grabbing my hand and dragging me to the bathroom. I sighed and allowed her to sit me down on the edge of the bathtub, her hand tenderly brushing through my hair.

“So pretty.” She murmured, pulling it back. I smiled and rolled my eyes, lifting her up and moving back into her room. 

“It’s getting late Kimmy, time to go to sleep yeah?” I smiled, sitting beside her on her mattress. Jean has headphones plugged into her bass, and was strumming softly on the strings and writing notation down. After I read Kimmy a short story, her eyelids began to droop.

“Tired?” I grinned. She scowled.

“No! A great warrior never tires!” Kimmy called, a determined smile on her face. But her eyes showed exhaustion. I grinned and pulled the sheets over her torso, kissing her forehead. Quietly I left the room, waving to Jean and closing the door. On my way to the living room, my phone buzzed. I fished it out of my pocket and stared at it, where a single text showed.

_ To: Eli.Lancaster, Ki.not_Key _

_ From: Megan_Dawson _

_ Hey guys, I just wanted to make a group chat so we could stay in contact, I hope you both have a great break :) _

I smiled and typed back.

_ To: Ki.not_Key, Megan_Dawson _

_ From: Eli.Lancaster _

_ Thanks Megan, I look forward to seeing you both again.  _

It was a basic sentence, but it brought my point across. I shoved my phone back in my pocket and entered the living room, where Claudia sat alone with a drink. My Mother had gone to bed early, leaving Claudia alone. Now was the only time she could relax, her smile greeting me as I entered the room.

“Hey squirt.” She sighed, handing me a drink and motioning for me to sit. She halted.

“Wait, you can drink right?” 

“Yes, I’m of age.” I chuckled, sitting and taking it from her. I sipped the bitter drink, my head instantly clouding. I never had a high alcohol tolerance, and it didn’t even taste that great. Claudia’s eyes watched the fire flickering in front of her, her face calm, as it usually was.

“You’re in love, aren’t you?” I spat out my drink, lurching forward. I apologised and wiped my mouth.

“What makes you think that?” I stammered, her face a soft smile.

“You’re a lot different. Last time you came here, you were solemn, silent. Even the way you act with Kimmy is different. You’re so much lighter. Your eyes have a spark in them I haven’t seen before. Well, I saw that spark only once, when you were seventeen, and talking about another person. Val, I think his name was.” My breathing quickened. I didn’t think I’d be able to hear others say his name, as I had with my Mother a while ago. I simply couldn’t hear his name being spoken by another. But now, it hit me at full force.

“Really? Strange.” I muttered, avoiding eye contact with her. She smiled wider.

“So? Who is it?”

“That’s really none of your concern.” I muttered again, her face softening.

“Honey, you’re like my son. Of course it’s to my concern.” She placed her hand on mine. I sighed.

“You’re gonna think I’m crazy.”

“Of course not sweetheart.” She smiled. I sighed again.

“Well... that Val guy I had been talking about? Yeah, he died when I was eighteen. And I hadn’t remembered any of it. We were together for nearly four years, and after the car crash it was all just swept from my mind. But a few months ago, God you’re gonna call me insane. He came back to me, as a ghost. And even now, he’s trying to remind me of everything.” I held my head in my hands as I said so. I don’t want to see Claudia’s face. For sure, she thinks I’m crazy. A lunatic. 

“Eli, look at me.” She spoke, the sound soft yet commanding. I looked up, her face roiling with emotion. 

“I believe you. Of course I do. After my husband left me and the kids, I was devastated. Devastated at the fact he was so selfish, and I’d have to upbring four children myself. But I still loved him. And for some relationships, no matter how hard you try, that love will never diminish. And even through death, your love with Val is still there.  _ Of course  _ I don’t think you’re crazy honey, I’ll support you through any relationship, and anything you want.” Her face was a mixture of relief and euphoria as she spoke, tears falling down my face.

“Thank you Aunt Clau. For everything.” I whispered, leaning over and wrapping my arms around her. She responded with a warm hug, as hers always were. Aunt Claudia was practically my second mother growing up, considering my mother’s state after losing my father. I remember listening to the arguments they had.

_ “Kira! You can’t do this to your son! You need to be there for him! At this stage, it’d be better just giving him to me!” _

_ “I’m trying my best Claudia. I just can’t live without him.” _

Those times were painful for both me and my mother. I struggled not having the affection I needed at such a young age, and she was trapped in her sorrow. Nevertheless she lived on, trying her best. Maybe that’s why I struggle so much with expressing my feelings. I never got to as a child. I was always worrying about my Mother. How she was doing, whether or not she was eating. My childhood was all about her. And of course I don’t blame her for that. I just wish I could’ve grown up better.

Claudia pulled away and smiled, kissing my forehead. She got up and returned to her room, waving at me before closing the door. I sat alone now. I tucked my feet under the chair and stared at the flickering flames, my thoughts adrift. Am I in love with Val? Yes, I’d already come to that conclusion. But what’s the point in loving him? He’ll leave me one day. And it’s not that I don’t want him to pass on, I’m just selfish. I can’t afford to lose him for a second time. At first I thought of it as a gift from the gods, but now it’s more a curse. Because inevitably, I’m going to lose him. And there’s nothing I can do to prevent that. I shook my head. He comes first. That’s how a relationship works. You think of the other person before yourself. And what he wanted, was to pass on. And I’d try my best to give that to him. Instead of pushing away the memories, I’d let them in, and let myself fall further in love with him. Val. Val and his smiling face. Val and his bright eyes. Pure heart, and the kindest words. It’s going to destroy me inside and out, but Val comes first. The one I love, comes first.

-

The mood was somber as the train car shuddered, my Mother’s head lolling over my shoulder. Our trip to Claudia’s was already over, my university resuming soon. Mom was sad to leave, but her mood had improved since seeing her sister. My house was eerily quiet once we arrived, Val nowhere in sight. And I did miss him. As the moon sat high in the sky I leaned against my window sill, breathing in the fresh air. I was on the seventeenth and last floor of my complex, the drop definitely fatal. Sure I’d considered suicide in the past, but what good would that do? My Mother would just descend further into depression, and not much else. 

The good thing was, is that my complex looked out into a forest, and no neighbouring buildings could see me from where I sat. 

“Val, I’m gonna fall if you don’t come out.” I shouted to the wind, a threat in my tone. I was going to do it. Yes, I could die. But I really believe he wouldn’t let that happen.

“Please come back.” I whispered finally, letting my body fall, an almost gracious gust of wind following me out the window. The drop was smooth, my body barely having time to panic. As I felt the ground draw closer, soft hands snatched me up. A warm body was pressed to mine and I shot across the sky, fast hand caressing all parts of my face.

“Are you hurt? Are you alright?” Val asked frantically, his hands moving quickly. Instead of speaking I simply grabbed his face, taking a second to stare at his eyes. 

“Eli, are you-” I cut him off with my lips, the stars around us shining brighter. His mouth was warm in contrast to mine, his arms moving to wrap around my waist. My hands came up to around his neck and in his hair, the soft curls falling through my fingers.

I broke away to catch my breath, a finger caressing my face. 

“I missed you. And I’m so sorry Val. I didn’t understand.” I breathed into him, pressing my face tightly into his neck. He gently stroked the back of my head, moving us back into my room.

“Please, don’t scare me like that.” He groaned, collapsing onto my bed with me still in his arms. 

“I’m sorry.” I murmured. He groaned again, rubbing his face and tossing his glasses to the side.

“You don’t exactly sound sincere, but it’ll pass. And about our earlier argument, of course I forgive you. I was to blame also.” He rolled us over so I was underneath him, his weight lifted off me. I giggled as his hair tickled the side of my face, his eyes changing to a form of pure happiness. 

“You’re adorable.” He groaned yet again, shifting anew, where I sat on top of him. I leaned down and placed my lips against his ear, my hair a curtain around the both of us.

“I love you.” I whispered, his grip tightening on my waist. He pulled my head up and stared into my eyes.

“I love you also Eli, more than you could ever imagine.” The things he said would have usually sounded cheesy, but it was so special to hear him say that to  _ me.  _ Me, of all people. He pulled me down to kiss me yet again, the whole atmosphere in the room beautiful. I hadn’t known I could ever feel like this, but now that I have, I’ll never forget. 

“I hate to be a bother, but could you tell me what you remembered, please?” Val asked, a sigh falling from my mouth.

“I’ll tell you, but if you laugh I’m gonna hit you.” I threatened, his eyes widening.

“That bad huh?” I groaned and covered my face with my hands, rolling off of him. 

“I- It was us, uh in a...It was us doing something intimate, and definitely not something I want to talk about!” I blurted, instantly going red and turning away from him.

“Oh.” Was all he said, bursting into laughter.

“That’s it? C’mon Eli, it’s something couples do! Nothing to get embarrassed about!” He laughed again, flipping me over and hugging me. I hit his arm and pulled away, sulking.

“I-it’s not funny! This is a serious matter!” I snapped, moving further away. Val’s grin changed to a smirk, his whole body lunging over me and pushing me to the floor. Honestly, I was surprised my Mom hadn’t woken up yet. Val’s fingers brushed and tormented my ribcage, the area I was most ticklish.

“Haha I knew it! You’re still ticklish here!” Val laughed, my entire body squirming. 

“S-stop it Val! I-I can’t breathe!” I spoke between deep breaths and laughs, noises barely coming out. After a few minutes of torture I was finally able to kick Val away, scrambling into the corner of my room. 

“Mercy! Please stop!” I cried out, cowering before Val, who stood in front of me.

“You’re an idiot.” He laughed, easily picking me up bridal style. Later he fell asleep with me tucked tightly against him with no escape. But I didn’t have a problem with that.

-

I woke to the feel of twitching and shaking, along with someone breathing heavily. I lifted my head and allowed my eyes to adjust to the darkness, Val’s body trembling heavily. 

“N-no, Mom, D-dad I’m s-sorry.” He murmured over and over, each sentence bringing on more tremors. 

“Val? Hey, what’s the matter?” I asked urgently, shaking him. But it wouldn’t work. Whatever dream he was having must’ve been strong enough to keep him under. I shook him again.

“Val! Please wake up, you’re scaring me!” I spoke, his eyes squinting and fluttering open. He panicked for a short second.

“What? W-where am I?” He spoke frantically, flinching away from me. I pressed my palms to the sides of his face, staring into his eyes.

“It’s me Val, Eli, remember? You’re in my home, in my bed. And you’re safe.” My voice sounded soothing, hopefully. 

“Eli...home.” He murmured to himself, eventually the glazed look in his eyes fading. 

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry you had to see that Eli.” Val spoke, his head in his hands. 

“No no, please don’t apologise. Do you want to tell me anything?” I asked idly, his head pressed to my chest. 

“I... I don’t know how to tell you.” He sighed, but then seemed to get an idea.

“I forgot! Right before I left, the stars gave me a gift. I didn’t understand at the time, but now I think I do. I can  _ merge  _ minds with you Eli. I can show you.” He spoke, pressing my forehead to his.

“Are you ok with that?” He mumbled, to which I simply nodded. The room around me seemed to dim, shifting to a different view.

*SWEARING/ABUSE WARNING*

  
  


Me, no - Val, was sitting on the ground, facing who I assumed to be his parents. 

“What is this bullshit? Are you kidding me?” The woman screamed, backhanding me across the face.

“I-I’m s-sorry.” I sobbed, my cheeks stained with tears. I was slapped again and again, until my face felt numb. 

In the next memory I was backed against a wall, and I seemed to be around thirteen. 

“Basketball? Seriously? But you’re so weak!” A man laughed at me, a beer in his hand.

“Please Dad? I promise I’ll practice hard.” I pleaded, but the man just laughed again.

“Shut up you fucking waste. Go study.” He snapped, throwing his empty glass at me.

This time I was fifteen, and walking through a hallway. Thoughts ran rampant through my head, about how my parents would be that afternoon. Before I could react a boy tripped in front of me, my arms reaching out to catch him. And this boy, he was the most beautiful person I’d ever seen. I’d seen him around before, but I never worked up the courage to speak to him.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry!” The boy spoke, pulling his canvas away from me, and revealing the paint covering my shirt. In the heat of the moment, I hadn’t even noticed. 

“It’s alright.” I smiled with a laugh, the boy's face turning a shade of red.

“Please, let me buy you a new shirt.” He fumbled over his words. I thought about it.  _ Would it be creepy to ask that? Eh, what the hell. _

“I’ll forgive you, if you give me your number.” I smiled, his eyes widening.

“You- you want my number?” He asked, genuinely surprised. I nodded, so he held out his phone. I copied his number and email, walking away with a wave.  _ @Eli.Lancaster.  _ Cute.

Now I was seventeen, standing fearfully in front of my parents. 

“Mom, Dad, I know that I don’t just like girls. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” I pleaded, covering my face. They simply scoffed and left the room, my Mother calling from behind her,

“Pack your bags!”

-

The room around me shifted back to my room, hot tears quickly streaming down my face. Wordlessly I wrapped my arms around Val, sobbing into the crook of his neck. He stroked my back softly and I scowled.  _ I  _ should be the one comforting  _ him.  _ Not the other way around. 

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that Val.” I sniffed, unsure of what to say. 

“You don’t need to apologise gorgeous, it’s not at all your fault.” Val murmured softly, his hand rubbing circles into my back. My crying lasted a good hour, until I eventually calmed and lay back down, holding Val tightly. 

“Please don’t ever leave me.” I whispered before my eyes closed, Val humming softly.

“I’ll try not to.”

  
  
  


-

  
  


Months flew by like minutes, each passing day bringing on a new memory. My head grew heavier and dimmer every moment. I almost remembered everything now, and my time with Val was almost up. I couldn't think about him leaving. That would be unbearable. Graduation also drew nearer with the days, the night before I spent with Val, of course.

“You nervous?” He asked, grasping my hand.

“Yes.” I gulped, staring down. He laughed.

“I wish I could reassure you, but I never graduated myself.” His tone was sad as he spoke, my hand tenderly brushing through his hair. 

“Can I braid your hair?” He asked, turning so he sat behind me. I nodded, so he wordlessly put my hair into an intricate knot, my scalp barely tugging. We were silent that night, simply laying in each other's arms. There was no need to speak. Our actions displayed what we wanted to show.

That morning I spent panicking, even Val failing to calm me down. He couldn’t come with me inside, so he gave me one last kiss and promised to wait outside the entire time. I sat nervously next to my Mother, who smiled and gripped my hand in hers. Then came my class, and our diplomas. Before we were to receive them one of our teachers stood, specifically the one who had ‘encouraged’ me at the start of the semester. 

“I am the professor of this graduating Art class, and I just wanted to speak about a few specific people.” He smiled, nodding his head. 

“Eli Lancaster, Megan Dawson and Ki Reyes. I’m not going to make you come up here, I just want to express my gratitude for the three of you.” He smiled again, scanning the crowd. My Mothers’ hand tightened around mine, her face breaking into a smile. 

“You each submitted a group project on ‘the little prince’ which was possibly the greatest portrayal of the story I’ve seen in my entire career. Ki created a collage which expressed the child’s mind, which was so gorgeous. His written section was so hard hitting, so thank you Ki!” He smiled, motioning to the collage that stood next to him on an easel. The crowd clapped, the professor beginning to speak again.

“Megan created a beautiful watercolor painting of the fox that situates in the story, again, her written portion incredible. Megan was one of my quiet students, but she flourished more than most of them.” He smiled brightly, his face proud. The crowd clapped yet again for Megan, a girl, presumably her sister, standing up to call out. 

“And lastly, Eli. Eli painted the rose from the story, along with the galaxy where it is set. Eli was a slacker, to put it simply. I was slightly worried for him, but his works never failed to astound me. They were always incredibly abstract, but impeccable. Well done Eli, well done to all of you.” His voice cracked at the end, his eyes reddening. The crowd burst into another round of applause, tears steadily streaming from my Mother’s eyes. She leaned over to hug me, a slight smile adorning my face. 

The rest of the ceremony flew by in no time, my heart still racing even after receiving my diploma. I left the hall in a daze, my Mother instantly enveloping in my arms.

“I’m so proud of you, Eli.” She whispered, tears streaming from her soft brown eyes. I hugged her back silently, not knowing what to say. I was in shock, to put it simply. It was over. I was never going back to school. In a lethargic state I wandered behind the hall, where I had left Val. A squeak of surprise left my mouth when I was hoisted into the air and spun around. 

“You did it!” Val laughed, my arms going around his neck. His mood changed quickly, and his arms slowly put me down.

“I love you.” He murmured, lowering me to his lips.

It was daunting, the idea that this person had come into my life. This brown haired and bright eyed man, that managed to make me as happy as I’ve ever been. He put me down and let go, looking into my eyes.

“Let’s get out of here.” He murmured, tipping my chin up to him. I smiled and nodded, walking hand in hand with him towards a large field. The field was quite secluded, but right next to a busy street. Dandelions lay there, Val placing me on top of a large pile. 

“Finally done, eh?” Val smiled, grasping my hand. I simply smiled and stared at the setting sun, the sky turning dark. As we sat there a short flash of images filled my mind, no pain accompanying it this time. It was of Val and I, doing the exact same we were now. I opened my eyes from this short film like experience, and looked to Val. Val had a surprised look on his face, a glowing substance around him. 

“Eli I- I think it’s..” He trailed off once he caught sight of my face, despair written all over it. 

“It’s not Val. Stop being stupid… I don’t remember half of you.” I spoke sternly, holding my arms tightly around his torso. But I was lying. I did remember practically everything. Crashing waves of emotion rolled over my entire being, but I ignored them. I couldn’t do this right now, not ever, actually. 

“Eli, it’s time to say goodbye now.” He smiled softly, pulling away from me just a bit. His eyes streamed a heavy flow of tears, reflecting mine.

“No! Stop it Val! Please! I-I just got you back!” I cried, holding onto him tightly. But the tiny flecks of starlight continued to fall off of him, as they did his body following after them. A stabbing pain shot through my heart and I felt light headed. 

“Y-You promised Val! You’d try! You’d try to stay!” My tears interrupted my speech as I tried to choke them back. 

“I’m so sorry gorgeous. Look in your sketchbook when you get back home, ok?” He smiled, tenderly kissing my forehead. He removed his glasses and placed them on me, breathing raggedly.

“I’ll wait for you, alright?” He smiled. I gripped him even tighter, not giving in.

“No! No no no! You can’t do this Val! I can’t let you go!” I was practically screaming now, tears staining his clothes and mine. 

“I love you Eli, more than you could ever imagine.” He spoke sadly, quoting upon how he first told me he loved me. Val leant in to kiss me one last time, disappearing into a cloud of stars. I stared blankly into the darkness, watching the stars fade into the night. I stumbled onto my feet and sprinted after the last flickers of light, my legs moving faster than they ever have. My heart cracked again and again with every footfall, the reality around me finally coming into view. I cried out his name over and over, my voice fading with every shout. For hours I raced after the last few stars, not willing to let him go. Never willing to let him go. Eventually I collapsed to the ground behind a store, letting my emotions envelop me. All the sadness, the devastation and most of all the pain. The pain that I was never going to get him back. The pain that I’d never see him again. The pain that I’d never see his smile again. Never see his honey coloured eyes again. Never hear his sweet voice again. Never feel his warm arms and body enveloping me again.  _ Never again.  _ I found myself wandering the streets, eventually finding my way home around two in the morning.

“Eli! Where were you?! I was about to call the police!” My mother’s voice rang out. But all sound and any other sense was blurred. Colours melted together as I stumbled to my room, falling to the ground once I arrived. And when my eyes closed, the world folded itself around me.

-

Days have passed. I don’t remember how many, nor do I care. Everything was just a blur. I got up out of where I sat, suddenly remembering something he’d said. Just hearing his name pained me now. His glasses have been stuffed down the side of my bed, never to be touched again. Shakily I lifted my sketchbook from the floor, a note falling out. I sat again and lifted it up, turning away once I read the handwriting. Of course, it was his. The front held a single word,  _ Eli.  _

I worked up the courage to open the letter, a long letter written in his fine handwriting.

_ Eli. _

_ Hey gorgeous. How are you? I hope you’re alright. I’m writing this while you sleep, you’re so cute. You were mad at me tonight, when I forced you to tell me what you remembered. It’s slightly funny though, how squeamish you are around the idea of sex.  _

_ Sometimes I feel like I miss the old Eli, other times not. I’m just honestly glad to be able to talk to you again. I missed you. So much. I wanted to tell you this, but I couldn’t risk making you feel guilty. Or upset. I hate seeing you with any emotion other than happiness.  _

_ If you’re reading this, it most likely means I’m already gone. And if so, I’m so, so sorry gorgeous. I didn’t want to leave you. Never. I don’t think you understand how much I love you. More than my own life. As much as that is. And it sometimes hurts me when you don’t realise that. You don’t realise how strong you are. You don’t realise how brave you are. All parts of you are reasons why I fell in love with you. And I’d do it all again, if it meant I got to be with you. _

_ I’m babbling aren’t I? I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. Only for you, of course. It’s all for you Eli. I was made for you. And I hope you’ll accept me.  _

_ I don’t wanna say goodbye. I hope I’ll never have to. But I know it’ll happen. I’m sure there's a hundred questions running rampant through your mind, and I’m sorry I couldn’t answer any of them. I want you to do one thing for me, though. I need you to keep on going. I know, I can imagine how hard it is. I don’t know how I’d live without you. But please, keep on going. I’m not asking you to go get another boyfriend, all I’m asking is that you try to be happy. Please. And I promise you, I’ll be alongside you every step of the way.  _

_ You healed me Eli. I’ve become someone I want to be because of you. What you’ve done for me is something I could never pay you back for, but I hope my soul and heart will suffice. My entire life I had lived by the idea that I wouldn’t ever need anyone. But now I know, you are what I need. _

_ This isn’t goodbye Eli, I love you too much to be able to say that. It’s a goodbye for now. For now, because I know one day we’ll meet again. Whether it be in another life, or what ever’s waiting for us in the afterlife. _

_ All my love, and all that I am, _

_ Val  _

At the bottom of the page sat a ring, one that Val had worn. I ignored it, and re-read his letter. And again. Tears gushed from my eyes, a cold feeling spreading throughout my body. I picked up the iron minimalistic ring and slid it onto my right ring finger, raging sadness conquering my body yet again. I spent the entire night crying yet again, finishing up when the morning sun streamed through my window. At that point my Mother had left, presumably living with Claudia to leave me alone. I finally worked up the energy to stand, and shuffled my way into the kitchen. I opened the top cabinet and a little note fell out, written on it.

_ You’re so beautiful.  _ It was a simple message, but clearly from him. I moved around my entire house, searching for more of these little notes. There had to be a hundred, all strewn around my house with messages. Each of them brought on a fresh wave of tears. By the time I had gone through all of them, I was a wreck. Even more of a wreck than usual. Right before I was to return to bed, a knock sounded from the front door. I sighed and moved there, smoothing down my hair before opening it. A woman stood there. She was beautiful. She had shoulder length curly hair, with inviting warm eyes. What struck me, is that she looked exactly like him. 

“Amaya.” I murmured, staring at her face. She was a part of my past memories, Val’s older sister. She had moved out by the time Val was fifteen, so he didn’t really like her. 

“Hey Eli.” She smiled. I motioned for her to come inside, but she shook her head.

“Sorry honey, I have to go back to the office. I just remembered something.” Amaya pulled out a cardboard box from behind her, to which she handed to me. 

“I wanted to give this to you. I know Val would’ve wanted you to have it.” She spoke solemnly, her voice cracking on his name.

“T-thank you.” I whispered, my mind racing.

“Good night Eli.” She smiled one last time, before disappearing from my view. I rushed inside and ripped open the box, only to have my hands shake so furiously I was forced to put it down. I breathed in and out and slowly opened it, to find an urn. I cried out and backed away, moving myself as far away as I could from  _ that.  _ I refrained from throwing up as I stumbled to the bathroom, leaning over the sink. An  _ urn.  _ What the fuck was she thinking? I heaved over the sink again, clutching my hand tightly to it. My stomach roiled and fought to empty, but I held back.

After calming my breathing I moved out of the bathroom, and back to that box. I knew that in order to get over it, I had to face it head on. The urn was pretty, subtle gold patterns with birds engraved on the front. I shakily picked it up, placing it on a bookshelf. I breathed deeply and backed away, daunted as to what was in front of me. His ashes. He’s gone. And this is the only thing that's left of him. My head spun yet again so I sat, clutching my stomach. And with that I let the tears come, streaming down my face as I lay on the floor. I’m pathetic. He didn’t want me to be like this. He’d be disappointed in what I’ve become. I stared at the sky through my window, and something seemed different. Almost as though the sky had gained a new star. 

-

And so, a year passed. A long gruelling year, the entirety of it feeling empty. I had grown out my hair to my waist, as he liked it longer. Nothing would ever be the same, and I had to accept that. The only good thing that has happened recently, is the fact that I have friends now. I frequently see Megan and Ki, and sometimes I can feel a slight whisper of happiness. My phone chimed.

_ To: Eli.Lancaster, Ki.not_Key _

_ From: Megan_Dawson _

_ Where the fuck are the both of you? I’ve been waiting for a goddamn hour!  _ _ ヽ(`⌒´メ)ノ _

_ To: Eli.Lancaster, Megan_Dawson _

_ From: Ki.not_Key _

_ Jesus. Hitler had more patience than you. can you give us five minutes?! _

_ To: Ki.not_Key, Megan_Dawson _

_ From: Eli.Lancaster _

_ I’m so sorry Megan, I’ll be there asap  _

_ To: Eli.Lancaster, Ki.not_Key _

_ From: Megan_Dawson _

_ Oh, don’t worry about it my sweet, sentimintal Eli, it’s Ki that’s pissing me off! _

_ To: Eli.Lancaster, Megan_Dawson _

_ From: Ki.not_Key _

_ *sentimental _

I smiled slightly and shook my head, grabbing my bag and walking out the door. The path was covered in leaves, my favourite season rolling around. Things of course were still dreary, but maybe in the far future they’ll start looking up. But he would never leave me. My lover. I’ll never forgive myself, for not saying I love you one last time. But I’ll try to forgive you. 

I’ll never forget you,

Val.

  
  
  
  


_ End _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> goddam that went fast  
> thank you if you made it this far, good on you brave one  
> i'm sorry if it didn't live up to your expectations, positive feedback and critisism is endorsed !  
> i personally fell in love with both Val and Eli, so I hope you can also feel that slight connection (maybe?)  
> i came up with this at two am, after reading gay angst for a good five hours :)  
> thank you again, i literally love any of you reading this


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